I have an excited chest monster walking beside me and it is definitely my fault. Every so often life is fairly good. Curiosity made my mind wander yet again. Such as what does it eat for substance?
“That’s an excellent question Magellan.” Said Niall abruptly.
“Are you reading my mind?”
“We both know you were thinking it and Chesty here is a curious conundrum.”
“It is by all accounts a sentient moving box walking around on several hundred tippy toes. Logic has already been turned into pasta.”
“I never thought I’d see the day when we would have a full five star team.” Exclaimed Jennyfer proudly.
“Whatever are you on about?” I asked her with a hint of concern in my voice.
“We have Niall, a fighter, a magical girl with animal traits. A team pet and me as the smart one.”
“Sara resents that statement!” Quipped Niall.
“Besides I’m sure Niall counts as a five man band all by himself.” Was my snarky addition to the conversation.
“That does not count, all she does is to blow hot air.” Retorted Jennyfer before coming to a rest on top of his head.
“Sara still insists that we are a team of seven.” I rolled my eyes before replying. “Does possession count in this equation, Jennyfer?”
“Hardly. It’s not much of a band without all the members on the scene.”
The chest just shrugged and began nibbling on a tree.
“Where are we headed now? I have not seen heads or tails of a way to travel onwards.”
“I suggest we just go back into town.” Suggested Niall while pointing towards a nearby mini market.
“Why not maggots, it’s not like I can track down a means of traveling prettier than walking.” The fairy donned her headset again. Kine just nodded and attached herself as a limpet to Niall. The chest just eyed me excitedly and walked onward performing small excited jumps. An impressive feat for a creature without visible eyes. Said market we came to had a lot of very boring and generic brand drinks. The wares for sale was anything but interesting, so we left without buying anything. On the wall next to the entrance hung a billboard full of flyers and spam. In-between those I found a piece of tattered paper mentioning a nearby kelp treatment plant.
“Niall!” I said, “we should check out the place mentioned here.
“Let me see that. “He said, grabbing the paper. “Seaweed is delicious, nutritious, and the future of packaging in a post plastic world.”
“I know absolutely nothing about what you just read Niall, but it is as good a place as any to visit.”
“You did mention that indeed, and I wholeheartedly agree, what do you say Jennyfer?”
“Sure, why not.”
The way to our next exciting location took us through the outskirts of town, far from the blue people. While walking I was slowly compartmentalizing my concern for my fellow citizens. My righteous fury was rearing its ugly head again, I was moments away from holding a grand speech, it was most fortunate that I managed to stay my tongue for now. Lest I would sounds like a loon and surely my fellow party members would look at me weirdly. A most unpleasant feeling indeed.
“Yo! Magellan are you okay, you’re practically radiating heat.” Spoke the swordsman into my reset, as a hand touched my shoulder.
“Worry not my stalwart traveling companion, everything is in the best of order.”
“If you say so. I’ll just walk ahead for a bit, I can see something interesting that way. He smiled awkwardly scratching the back of his head and sauntered off. How very odd of him.
The flying woman was suddenly in my face wearing a face with a frown, squinting ever so slightly.
“You’re sounding very weird at the moment, like seriously, your very cadence and speech pattern is off kilter. “
“What do you mean little lady? I sound perfectly reasonable.”
“If you say so, mister stiff upper lip.”
Seeing Nialls boundless enthusiasm and energy in action distracted me ever so slightly and ridiculous biceps. Sprawled out before us was a gigantic roaring maelstrom dominating the scenery. I must have been most distracted to not hearing that deafening roar resonating through my ears. Let alone not notice the very cold draft from the spiral cooling down the air.
“That is one magnificent whirlpool.” Shouted Niall loudly, barely audible, before bringing out the tablet yet again.
“It is indeed most impressive I dare say. If my memory serves me right. This is put in place to transfer water from here and back onto the hydro dam.” Yet again I managed to dreg up old memories from my mind.
“Astounding setup, truly magnificent, and utterly bonkers.”
“I’ll just crank it up to magic, because I’m like ninety percent sure the actual explanation will hurt.” Pointed the winged woman out. Her point made a lot of sense. It did not take away from the majestic sight of watching a twenty km wide spiral of water circling around and around. Mesmerizing the most fitting word, I dare say.
“People, while this is great in and all, it’s way too cold here. Could we move along?” Inquired Niall, while he and the fox began walking along the shore. Unlike most places the shoreline took the shape of a steep artificial edge and from the looks of things no one bothered to actually erect any safety measures. You would think that my government would at least set up a fence. Picnic benches one the other hand, those were all over the place.
“It’s crazy how far I can see when there is no curvature obscuring the horizon. Seems like the only way to make a flat earth is through.” Said Niall just as the fairy interrupted.
“Don’t say it, please.”
“Ma?”
“Piss off!”
“You are awfully dismissive of the concept, despite being a small flying woman.” I had to take a jab at her, honestly.
“I simply refuse to accept an unsubstantiated explanation of how something works.”
“Jeez, have years of converging up the truth make you a bit cynical?”
“You figured that one out on your own? Congratulations, fly.” Is that considered an upgrade to her weird bug based scale?
The ground shook violently and a purple crystalline pillar penetrated the crust, followed by another one, and then another. Until a dozen of them all came together into a shiny fist. A giant hand followed by a familiar face. “The bellend has returned once more.” I groaned out loud, while conjuring up a red rose?
“Indeed, here I recommend you don this mask and top hat.” Suggested Niall with a smile handing me the objects in question. I do not know what overcame me, but I happily accepted the apparel. Crystal ruptured, germs shattered and minerals grinding into each other as the mutated villain emerged fully. I took the rose and threw it with uncanny accuracy striking my foe square in the eye, whereupon it got stuck. The mineral man screeched out loud. Kine spotted an opening and took it. Ice clad fist struck the shiny surface, sending shrapnel of ice and gems in every direction. Niall shielded his eyes when shards embedded itself into his forearm. Snarling like a wild beast he called forth his polearm, using his teeth to pull out the shards, before striking the left knee with all his might. A chunk broke loose causing the golem to stumble sideways.
“Don’t get cocky you carpet crapping creep, I will end you.” Screeched the thing that was once a man. “I concur, foul slobbering slab, it ends today.” I proclaimed with a dramatic pose conjuring up more flowers. In response to my dramatic proclamation, spikes came through the ground in retaliation. A hairs width from impaling me, I willed myself into shade, sliding through the solid spike. “With the power of the very foundation of the world at my side, you can not win.” Bellowed the man, stomping the ground hard, sending a shockwave of energy at us. Me and my party were sent flying backwards, somehow I nimbly slid across the ground. Before I threw another rose, one that struck his chest. Much to my chagrin, it had no effect at all. “What do you think you are, some sort of enforcer? Do you honestly think flowers can hurt me?”
“Yes, now stand and deliver. Eventually it will work.”
“Good luck with that poser, you’re fighting the planet now.”
Shards of crystal began to spin around him too fast for me to follow with my eyes.
“We’re on a disc you moppet. Besides what has this world ever done to you?” Asked Niall, pulling out his shield. Jennyfer threw lightning at the man, which did a grand total of nothing.
“This world is built on this crystal, now I am this world, the monarch molded into existence.” The flying chunks came flying at us. Like a panicking fool I dived clumsily out of the way, scraping my knee and spraining my wrist. Painful, but preferable to getting hit by a head sized chunk.
“Yeah, yeah! Take your crystal millennium and shove it up your shiny butt.” Shouted Niall as metal sliced into the right leg like butter. There was just a lot of leg and for his effort he got punted across the field landing in a heap. Kine jumped into the fray, punching a thick thorn into the side, which was attached to a fibrous rope. She jumped between the legs pulling the cord with her. Meanwhile I tried to cast a fireball, instead I got myself a flaming rose. “A flower by any other name.” I murmured and sent it flying. With a whomp it struck true and took out a chunk of shoulder.
“Was that supposed to do something, you masked menace?” The abomination snarked as he pulled the flower out of his eye socket and flung it at Kine. She caught it in her leg causing her to silently yelp. Pain did not deter her from looping around and yanking the cord hard enough to cause his legs to snap together. Yet he was still standing tall. “You think some puny rope is going to prevent me from getting rid of the vermin plaguing the land?” He returned the gesture and dragged Kine into his fist with her own spell. I heard a audible crack, followed by her being punted away.
“You honestly think that killing people and wights will fix the world? Have the stones eroded your brain that badly?” Niall then hacked away at the left leg. Nothing seemed to face the insufferable man shaped slab. With a brutal uppercut Niall was punched into Kine whom coughed up blood. “I reign supreme, soon I’ll rid the world of you and the rest of your ilk.
“Honestly, I think you are full of bologna. Has it ever occurred to you to just head over to the castle?” Venomously Niall replied, throwing back a potion. “You’re nothing but a rebel without a cause, one that is willfully dense and ignorant.”
“How dare you suggest such a thing? My cause is just and righteous.” He them lobbed a stone at Niall, but he got the shield up in the nick of time. The projectile flew through the portal and was gone.
“Go forth my stalwart companions, we shall overcome this challenge together. Fest upon darkness.” I gathered my will and focused on a blinding bolt, instead of a familiar condensed glob, another glob sprung forth from my palm. It worked last time so I cast the weird projectile spell at our enemy and hit him in the back of his very hexagonal skull. “Attempting to blind me, that will not work.” He then swiped his stiff shiny fingers across the face and the inky blob dissipated. For my effort I was rewarded with a stone to my stomach, causing me to keel over. Feeling your insides getting crushed by a stone is unimaginably painful.
“Eat blue!” Screamed Jennyfer shattering a familiar aquamarine bottle at his chest.
“Is that the best you can do?”
“Not at all, eat loo.” Then she dropped the portable toilet onto the contaminated spot. He looked at us in confusion, before his face turned into one of panic when he came into contact with the singularity inside. The surface began to erode away.
“I’ll be back, you insufferable curs, make my word.” The golem soon turned into nothing but sparkly rubble.
“Haha, bested yet again villain. By the way, where did chesty go?” I asked, when the creature came out from behind a tree, wagging its tongue like it was nobody’s business. How in the world did it manage to slip my mind like that? I do pride myself on my observational skills.
“That was an oddly unsatisfying and anticlimactic end to the fight.” Hissed Niall out through his clenched teeth.
“You are barely standing, be happy that it is over, for now.” I replied, petting the chest.
“It’s just a flesh wound.”
Several hours of healing later the wounds was taken care off and we hobbled onwards.
Shard World 